It’s been two whole years since I last had a book out. Two years and so much has changed.
I deleted an entire novel in order to write How To Say Goodbye, out on Thursday, and it’s going to be the most bittersweet publication day.
Part of me is thrilled to share my hard work, soaking up the congratulatory messages, tweets and photos. I want to shout from the rooftops - Look at what I made! Look at what has come out of the darkest day of my life! Look at how well I’m doing now!
The past Katy who collapsed to the floor as a policewoman uttered the words, ‘I’m sorry but your dad has died,’ would never believe that just 18 months later she will turn those horrific experiences into this; a novel I am so proud of.
How To Say Goodbye is the story of a funeral arranger, Grace Salmon, who works with death every day she can’t see that she’s barely living.
I had no idea how I would put one foot in front of another after that day, but Grace’s story felt like it was bursting out of my head and my heart, desperate for me to tell. It meant dealing with my own experiences of grief, death and funerals. It meant going deep into myself to open the box marked ‘do not open’ that contained all I learnt after losing my dad so suddenly and tragically.
There have been many tears, angry outbursts at the injustice of it all and glorious precious memories that I’ve clung onto as the novel slowly came together.
Over the next few days I will be wrapped up in the excitement of having a new book out and filling up your social media feeds. However, it won’t just be the usual feelings of pride and excitement on Thursday.
Dad giving me a massive hug at the launch of Destination India in 2016
It will also be tinged with the heart-aching reality that this book exists because of what happened that day in November 2017.
I can’t hide from the fact that there will be someone missing on publication day who would have been the proudest of all.
My dad was such a huge part of my writing life. As an avid reader he was fantastic at bouncing ideas off, helping with sticky plot points and coming up with great ‘why didn’t I think of that?!’ suggestions. He would rearrange the shelves in the local library so that mine took centre stage. He would pretend to read the foreign editions, despite not knowing a word of Polish or Danish, and he would beam with pride whenever I got a five star review.
He is such a huge part of How To Say Goodbye, even if he doesn’t know it. The novel is dedicated to him. He is there on every page. It just breaks my heart that he will never get to read it as I think he would rather like it.
You can pre-order a copy for your Kindle for a promo price of just £2.99; it’s also available in paperback and audiobook.
You can WIN a signed copy for you and a friend by heading to my Instagram @notwedordead. Hurry as I’ll be picking a winner on Thursday 14.06.19!