I used to always feel a tinge of jealousy when I’d hear people say they liked spending time on their own. You see, I never used to like hanging out with myself. I found my own company boring, dull and would always be searching for someone else to have fun with rather than bask in my own awesomeness. That’s because I didn’t think I was very awesome, in fact I would say I was probably scared to be me, myself and I.
This may sound a little cuckoo and the person I am today looks back at past Katy and thinks how much time I wasted being desperate for others to like me and for others to want to spend time with me so I wouldn’t be on my own.
Now I relish time alone.
I was recently in Scotland for a few days completely solo. I didn’t know a soul in the places I was visiting, I would be spending 24/7 in my own company (minus some lengthy heart to hearts with chatty cab drivers) and I was SO excited. If you’d had told me this a few years ago I probably would have shuddered at the thought of 8 hour train journeys on my lonesome.
So, what’s changed? This transformation from wanting to be surrounded by people, to wanting people to just F off didn’t happen overnight.
Travel (and growing older, I guess) has given me the confidence I needed to step out of my comfort zone and realise that I shouldn’t need anyone else to make me happy. The people I surround myself with should be because I want them in my life, rather than being desperate for other people’s company so that I’m not alone.
Because, really, being alone is actually pretty wonderful if you’re bold enough to give it a go.
Being alone can be the most fun. You get to laugh at your own jokes, talk to yourself, follow your gut instincts and feel the glow of pride that you are out there living life. Not relying on others. You learn about what you want, what makes you tick and how you are actually pretty hilarious (even if no one else thinks so).
In my humble opinion this is what makes for healthy relationships. The fact that you know you are enough, that being by yourself isn’t going to kill you but that you get to choose to spend your precious time with some other awesome people is just the big fat sticky cherry on top of the cake.
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