So I kinda got the Thai style of cooking sorted and now I want to see if I can become an Indian nigella by going to a cooking class here. The teacher is a happy lady called muhkti who runs the course from her kitchen. It is just me and two Australian girls in the class and the dishes of the day are mushroom masala, chapati, paneer panek (which is spinach and cottage cheese curry) and potato and spinach filled naan bread.

Making chapatis are so much fun! You get your dough sorted and into a small scotch pancake size then roll until its paper thin and heat on each side in a frying pan until it bubbles then bam whack it on the naked flame and flip it so it bubbles up!

After the class muhkti and I get talking about men, how does this always seem to happen when girls get together?! She tells me about her arranged marriage and how she was quite unusual among her peers for having her own business as the role of a good wife is to live more of a domestic life. I can’t comprehend my parents picking a husband for me or having him then tell me I can’t get a job.

After class I head to a local hotel that has a pool as just can’t face the harassment from sitting on the beach. The pool is empty, not a soul around, which is kind of cool but does just add to this lonely feeling I have. For me taking on this trip wasn’t just to see some amazing places in the world but to also have time to think about the past, what I want to achieve, the sort of life I want to live as well as building my confidence and learning to love my own company.

I guess being in a relationship for so long my ex was like my right arm, which was fantastic but then I never really knew who I was as I only knew who I was in this couple. So when it ended the pain and fear set in as I was by myself and I didn’t like the person I was becoming, full of hate, anger and confusion. I wanted to take myself out of a life in Manchester I knew too well to challenge and test my limits in situations that were pretty alien to me.

So north Goa isn’t the place I want to be but whilst I am here I am doing a lot of thinking in these moments of solitude. I need to work out the difference of being alone and feeling lonely. I know I am getting better at this and keep surprising myself in situations that the old me wouldn’t have stepped up to the job. I am learning to think that it is actually quite healthy to spend time on your own and just ride out whatever emotions that may bring. This whole journey has been a roller coaster but I feel it is helping me get closer to where I want to be and work out my priorities. God, feel like this post has gone all a bit ‘eat, pray,love’ and I don’t want to be a cliche of ‘finding myself’ but you know what, it is kinda true I might be the new Julia Roberts!