Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none - William Shakespeare

In many magazine articles on relationships and couples quizzes the thing that crops up time and again is that to be in love with someone you need to trust them completely. It seems to be classed as one of the most important things in a healthy relationship and if this trust is broken it becomes a catalyst for change.

I guess this comes from the time we were living in a cave covered in hair that we had to trust the other cave inhabitants not to eat us for breakfast in the morning. Now you don’t have to worry as much if you will be eaten by predators but you still need to put your trust in many people throughout the day from your loved ones to your colleagues to complete strangers.

After a breakup, especially one that ended because of trust issues, it is extremely difficult to be able to or even want to put your trust in another whether that is just as a friend or as a partner. You were hurt before so surely it will happen again, right? Well not exactly, even though in your vulnerable post-breakup state of mind you think this will be the case, you need to believe in yourself that you are stronger to cope if it happens again.

When you share something with someone you are basically giving them a small part of you and asking them to take care and look after it. When they don’t do this it isn’t just their actions but the fact they had this power and didn’t respect what power they had.

People can break your trust in a matter of seconds but it is a much longer and usually painful process to build it back up. Sometimes it is an impossible task and that is when you know it is time to walk away as you deserve better, no matter how hard this feels at the time.

Going travelling helped me trust again. In my last travel post I mention that trusting strangers can be hard as you are subconsciously crossing your fingers and toes that they won’t be a serial rapist or murderer. When you trust complete strangers especially in alien situations and survive it then it’s like you do a mini high-five in your head. You put your trust in another and it paid off.

Do you agree that trust is one of, if not the, most important thing in a relationship? How have you overcome when people have broken your trust?

You know when you try not to think about something your mind continues to drag you back to that one thing you are desperately trying to avoid focussing on? Maybe it is an exam you have coming up, something you should have said or done in a certain situation or a person who is occupying your thoughts?

During the day you might be doing the most mundane task and that thought soon pops up to play havoc with your head. That is how I felt being newly single and the thought that kept popping up was ‘How have I ended up like this?’ ‘What did I do wrong?’ ‘Will I always feel like this?’ etc etc.

To stop thinking I knew I had to keep busy and occupy my mind on other tasks. Going to work helped me so much with this as I had to remain professional as there was no way I was going to lose my job as well as everything else I felt like I had lost. What then started to happen was the more I kept busy the more I realised that the time between negative thoughts started to grow longer. The other time was filled with thinking about normal everyday things. Not him, not my situation and not what my future held.

If you have thought monsters lurking in your head space then here are some tips that may help overcome those beasts:

Get a hobby – whether it is completing a cross-stitch or running a marathon that floats your boat. Having a hobby is great way to fill your time, meet new people and give yourself an aim to focus on.

Exercise - Even just walking whilst having a chinwag with a friend or joining an exercise class will get all those positive endorphins rushing about.

Sleep - The night time is the hardest part as lying in bed seems to give your mind a free pass to wrench up all those things you were suppressing thinking about during your busy day. Try to make your night time routine as calm and luxurious as possible. Get a bath with nice oils, have newly washed bedding and pjs to slip into and keep a good book nearby.

Switch of social media- Do not sit constantly refreshing your facebook or twitter account. Your brain will just be whirring trying to decipher every word you read. Switch it off and be kind to yourself.

Make plans - Have something nice to look forward to even if it’s scheduling a wine and film night with your best mate, taking your mum for afternoon tea or booking tickets to an art exhibition/gig/show etc.

Socialise - There will be times when you want to sit in your pjs stuffing yourself silly with chocolate wailing to yourself that you are all alone aka Bridget Jones style. If it helps then do this. But as soon as your done (and please don’t take too long) get a shower, get changed and put your face on then go see your friends.

What can you recommend to add to this list? How do you stop the monsters in your head?

The days soon roll into one and I am enjoying helping out at the cafe as well as picking the children up from school, helping with their homework and in return they teach me some basic Thai phrases.

As well as learning the language I have also been practicing with henna art. A Brazilian guy came to stay for a few days and brought a pack of henna ink that he had picked up in India. I soon start trying to perfect the technique on anyone I could lay my hands on including a French couple who had just come in for some dinner. It’s a weird sensation as you hold the pens as if you were icing a cake and make sure the brown henna dye makes some sort of pattern rather than just a blodgy mess.

One morning Thidarat and I decide to go and get some pampering so we head to a nearby hairdressers to get a wash, blow dry and our hair straightened! You do not understand how much I have missed having straight hair since being away. I know it is fickle and shallow but its just a small thing that I have missed after being used to doing it everyday back at home. After an amazing head massage and squeaky clean locks I feel a million dollars.

On my bucket list is to be able to play the guitar, I always envied those people that can command the attention of a whole room by just nonchalantly picking up and strumming along. I love acoustic guitars especially, as there is something about them that make me think of being sat on the ground with flowers in my hair, surrounded by topless hippies in flares and bare feet whilst singing some song about love and world peace.

Not long after I came to the peace cafe and knew I would be staying for a few weeks I decide to take the plunge and buy my first ever guitar. In the music shop this guy was asking me what size, what type of string, do I want a carry pack, how thick do I want my pics to be. Errr I just want a guitar and didn’t envisage this level of interrogation, do they not have a ‘my first guitar’ section?!

Being a typical girl I go for the one that I like the look of the most and turn to YouTube for free tutorials on how to get my inner acoustic hippy chic look sorted. After a while my fingers feel like they are bleeding, I have managed a couple of chords but nothing that even sounds like a musical note, this is definitely harder than it looks. Great first I get defeated by scuba diving and now guitar playing!

Soon enough everyone is having a turn of the guitar and things take a decidedly musical turn when one of the peace cafe family’s friends from Portugal arrives with a ukulele and music books. One night we sit drinking sangria, badly singing along to classic guitar songs with their friend, John, who is a Santa clause lookalike. I never thought I would be serenaded by Father Christmas.